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There's this scene in Breaking Bad where Walter says something along the lines of: "If I could have lived up to just that moment, and not a second longer, that would have been perfect."
It's stuck with me on days like today. I think I know my perfect moment. It was junior year, and I made a project that everyone really seemed to dig. People I didn't know recognized me from the school news. They liked it. It was good. I did a good job. I really wish I would have died that day.
So much has happened since then, only so much of it good.
I can't tell if things will ever have a chance of getting better, if that perfect moment is still to come, or if that day in junior year was it, and I'm just too cowardly to kill myself. I can't do that. I know it. There are people it would crush. That's the worst part. I can't even escape it without causing more pain to them than I already do.
I try to lock myself in this mental prison. No more friends. No love, not that I'm any good at that anyway. I can't hurt anyone if no one loves me. But that doesn't work.
People will always pull you back in. They will always "reach out" when they decide they love you that day. I don't know where exactly I went wrong in my stupid thinking, but ever since junior year passed, I've truly felt like I was just a shitty guy.
I can't say these things to people I know. Only to you, strangers, if anyone perchance even reads all this crap. But that's why I loved this site from the beginning. No one here knows who I am. I can confess to strangers. I can take that mask of a happy guy off. The truth is I'm just a stupid sad man, and I fear I always be the reason my life sucks.
I suck, and I know it. I really do hate the person that I am. I hate a lot of things around me. I try to tell people that, and they think I'm just being too harsh and cynical. I called it realism, but what do I know?
I really wish they'd just let me leave this prison, but since they won't, I'll have to just live out my days wishing I didn't.

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SonofaBastard
A.D. Tiggs
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Revolutions rise slowly.
Remember this, resistance, until we meet again.
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:iconsoletine:
soletine Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thank you for fav Three Wolves :) (Smile)
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:iconpuddingnila:
puddingnila Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the fav ! :D
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:icontheblackalma13:
theblackalma13 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
thanks for adding one of my pics to your favs
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:iconbear48:
bear48 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Professional
thank you for adding "Jazz Moon" to your favorites 
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:iconpseudozufall:
pseudozufall Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks so much for the fave ! Merlinemrys La 
Airborne 
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:iconjavashot:
Javashot Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
Thanks for the fave :) would love to hear your thoughts
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:icongottahurt:
gottahurt Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014
Thanks for the fave.
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:iconmeestagrey:
MeestaGrey Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Thank yuh for the watch, sir. Much appreciated.
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:iconlord-of-chimeras:
Lord-of-Chimeras Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2014
thanks :D!
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:icon0btuseangle:
0btuseAngle Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the favorite and your artwork is very nice!
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